dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
