there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
