Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
where does the pee come out of this thing
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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