I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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