well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
