big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
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