my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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