wat bout pragnant strippers??
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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