How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize