Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
