Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
