thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
