My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
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