I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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