chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
