I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
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