P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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