so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
