There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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