if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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