you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
