New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
