her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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