I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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