Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
