i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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