3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Drunk is not a location!
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
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