so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
