is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
