Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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