I think my vagina is haunted
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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