Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
