this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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