I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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