she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
