he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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