you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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