well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize