I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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