You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
