How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
