Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Sober January is a disaster.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Randomize
