So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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