3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
