I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
