I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I want to be your penis for a week.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
