I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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