I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
