you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
