I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
