I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize