The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
