woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
