i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Dignity is for republicans.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
