You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
it's great music for shaving your balls
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
So vagazzling was a success
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
