i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
