actually, I'm a sock model
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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