I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
