Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
