So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
