I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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