he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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