yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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