just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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