apparently the secret to your success is patron
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'm bleeding and have questions
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