whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
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