Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
