I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Randomize
