he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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