3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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