i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
she peed on how many people?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
