whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He shit in the fireplace
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
