found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
