i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
