She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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